Every year, from the time I was eight until the time I was thirteen, I received a copy of Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities from my father for Christmas. I still haven't read it, despite a great love for Dickens' other novels (especially Hard Times and Great Expectations).
I had (and have) a great relationship and a lot of respect for my dad, so choosing not to read A Tale of Two Cities repeatedly was not an act of rebellion. But what was it? I can tell you, though, that history repeats itself.
My daughter has received multiple copies of Treasure Island, Gulliver's Travels, and Robinson Crusoe from her own, much-loved father. She will not read them. Ever. This is despite the fact that her father is my daughter's favorite person in the world.
What is this phenomenon, wise readers? Should we never suggest reading material to our children?
Saturday, April 01, 2006
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19 comments:
*Every year* definitely constitutes a bit of pressure. ;-)
Better to try reading the books aloud, I think. Or to make them available without the build-up of giving them as a gift. But there's nothing like reading aloud for sharing your favorite books.
I have the same problem with my daughter. If I suggest she read something or give it to her as a gift, she balks. I bought her "A Wrinkle in Time" months ago and I'm not even sure she knows where she put it! I have had some success in suggesting we read books together and then reading them aloud. The other thing I've done is just bring home a book in a stack from the library and then leave it laying around without saying anything about it. Often as not she'll pick it up and start reading.
In my family we had a clever solution. If I really wanted my mom to read something (and very often I did) then she'd only do so if I read one of the books that she really liked. This meant that I ended up reading "Little, Big", "The Sparrow", and who knows what else simply because I thought my own books were so great. Unfortunately it doesn't work anymore. I've been trying and trying to get her to read "Holes" but she won't because she thinks it might be depressing. Getting kids to read, heck. How do you get a grown adult to do so?
What about watching the film of a book together as a way of getting into the book ? Whether or not the film is a good adaption shouldn't matter - after all, if it's a poor adapation, you can say "The book is so much better!" or if it's a good adaption, you can invite comments on where the film differs from the book...
Books that are given as gifts, should be books that the givee wants not that the giver wants to give. For a kid, getting the wrong book is like getting socks for Christmas. It's one less GOOD present they could have got if DAD didn't have a thing for these boy adventure stories. She probably wanted Slumber Partyrific - or something like that.
My husband reads more advanced books to my daughter a couple of nights a week. They are currently working through the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (we're a strange family). It is a bonding time for them, and she is introduced to older books without any pressure. On the other nights she reads on her own or sits for some of the picture books that I read to her sister.
I also will bring home a few books from the library, give them to her with a "I thought you might like this." and leave her be.
BTW, thanks for the link Big A, Little a - I really appreciate it.
My mom was sneaky - she got me to recommend books to my reluctant reader younger sister. And most of the time it worked. But I was telling her to read fun stuff like Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging as opposed to Dickens.
For me and my 7-year-old, the best (only) thing I can do is make a book available to him, w/o him realizing that that's what I'm doing. Suggesting, let alone recommending, undermines my cause. If I actually try to read something out loud to him against his will, I might as well load the book onto a trebuchet and fling it a thousand yards from our house.
If he hears me reading a book aloud to his little brother, though, he sometimes will get interested -- as far as he's concerned, that counts as his own discovery.
The hardest thing for me is keeping the big picture in mind. And the big picture is not that he read a particular book that I like or think he would like (The Tale of Despereaux, Runny Babbit, By the Great Horn Spoon!, and on and on), but that he love to read and find the books that suit him. And as long as I stay out of the way -- or at least make it look like that's what I'm doing -- we're in good shape.
Thanks for all you good advice, guys!
Wendy--in my dad's defense, he said he forgot each year he had bought it the year before. Each year at Christmas dozens of books are handed out and my husband waits for "the duplicate" gift. It happens every year :) Just who will be the recipient of two copies of the same book?
Fuse--Your mom should read Holes for sure! Too funny that your deal doesn't work any more because of mom's stubborness :)
Michele--Film is a good idea. We have done that with Tom Sawyer and it was a bad film and she did in the end read the book. Also Jim Dale has recorded a few classics recently and I'm thinking of picking a few of those up. She LOVES Jim Dale.
MotherReader--You're welcome! Welcome to the fun. In the case of my daughter, leaving books about does seem to work. Reading aloud doesn't. She reads to quickly now to tolerate being read to.
Tangonat--Your mom is a smart woman! And there's nothing wrong with a little Angus, Thongs, and Full-frontal Snogging!
Chris--You sum it all up very nicely. My daughter is a big reader and that's what's important in the end :)
Kelly, I had to laugh wondering if it was the same copy of Dickens each Christmas, or a new one.
I'm lucky because my kids are still young enough that brainwashing works on them lol (I think age 8 for Tale of Two Cities is a bit of wishful thinking, if it's not done as a family readaloud or as an audiobook). Also what some people, especially homeschoolers, call "strewing" -- or accidentally on purpose just happening to leave something interesting around for kids to "happen" on can produce some very nice results.
Becky, aka the sneaky mom : )
I love the word "strewing." I know I read things like Pride & Prejudice etc because they were on the shelf, looked interesting, and I had no other reading materials. (It was also why I read so many Happy Hollisters -- I found the box in the basement, and sat down to read.)
How to "get" a kid to read a certain book; I think MotherReader has a great point about matching the book to the reader.
My mom was tricky. She'd bring me stuff she knew I'd like -- for me that was probably Agatha Christie and Alistar MacLean books -- then suddenly in the pile would be something that I might've viewed like brussel sprouts had come on its own, but it was in this pile of great reads, so I naturally assumed it was great. And it usually was (unlike a lot of the later MacLean!).
A key thing, though, is attitude: reading should be about PLEASURE. If you make a kid love reading, they'll read. If you make reading a battle, you'll lose. Kinda like the homework thang....
I second (third?) the reading aloud suggestion. My parents read a lot books aloud to me, including many things that were probably beyond my reading level. My dad read me the complete Horatio Hornblower series when I was 7 or 8 (no, not exactly fine literature, but I credit him with giving me a love of history).
But I can't blame you for never reading Dickens. I never got through anything besides A Christmas Carol.
Becky: They were new copies, but much alike :) I'm with Liz--"strewing" is a great term. As is matching the book with a reader.
Gregory: reading is about "pleasure," though I have to admit I sometimes got a lot out of certain books that weren't immediately pleasurable ("The Scarlet Letter," for example)
Hi Mrs. Coulter! Thanks for stopping by :)
I was particularly interested to see what your commenters would say, because even though I was a voracious reader, I was more than reluctant to read things my dad recommended. (In fact, he gave me a copy of Red Tent about three years ago that I still have not read!)
I would say in my instance it is pure orneriness! Like Chris said, I want to be the one to have discovered in on my own.
Well, perhaps now that I see how childish that is of me, I'll go and read Red Tent!
Errr...make that THE Red Tent.
Hi Karen:
I KNOW it was pure stubborness from my point of view as well :) The I know best thing :)
I don't know the red tent...
Sometimes I think it's because of the multiple copies. My brother was given no less than twelve identical copies of Captain's Courages when he was a kid, all from my grandmother. He says now that part of why he didn't read it was because she *kept* giving to him. He got the point that she wanted him to read it - so what was he going to do with twelve or so *extra* copies? It's just easier to ignore it! And it looked boring. I swear adults always pick the least appealing looking versions of a book. If I was given a pretty copy of a book (I loved leather covers with gold embossed words, so that automatically meant it would be read), I was far more likely to read it than if I got an ugly copy.
Hi Katie:
Isn't that the truth (about pretty books)! Thanks for stopping by. I've really been enjoying your fashion series. I used to love fashion and have fallen into a middle-aged rut. "Project Runway" has revived my love (not that I'm going to change and become stylish again, but still...) and I've really appreciated your pictures and commentary.
As my kids are pretty young (3 and 5) they HATE reading of any kind so I always try and get them involved with the story (make up games etc).
They seem to like the Oddies (www.oddieworld.com) books because of the socks they get with the books - it gives them a bit of reference and something to occupy themselves with if their bored...
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