This week's Everyday Etiquette question comes a day early as tomorrow is a big day: the First One Shot World Tour--Best Read with Vegemite edition.
This week's conundrum truly is an everyday situation, one I'm shocked by several times a month. Am I alone? Let's find out!
Say you're shopping in a large store, like Target. You're in line with your basket full of socks, cat litter, and printer paper. In front of you there is only one customer. This customer is on his or her cellphone. The cashier tries to ask questions (like," would you like this lamp in a bag?"), but the customer is too busy discussing a party or a hair appointment. The customer on the cell phone frequently says to the cashier "just a minute" or "excuse me, but I've got to take this call." The customer is holding up the line with this behavior and being rude to the cashier. Cashiers hate this. I know, because I often commiserate with them when the offending customer alights with her basket and cell phone still firmly in place. Should one talk to the cell phone-talking customer? What do you do?
17 comments:
I've used two approaches (as the person behind the counter, not the person in line - if I'm in line I just shoot dirty looks). If someone is in line and on the phone and clearly not ready to be helped, I skip to the next person (hoping that this will "show them!" If they have their library card out, books ready, I help them but don't say a thing. Just scan, print the receipt, hand it to them. No "would you like a bag?" No "would you like to renew anything?"
Kelly, that's such a tough one! And it happens more and more often. I usually do what you do--commiserate with the cashier later--but I'm never really satisfied with that approach. I need to find a polite but emphatic way of asking the person in front of me not to hold up the rest of us.
What's interesting, I think, is that we're so concerned with not being rude to a person who is clearly being rude. Those of us who are hypersensitive about not inconveniencing others hate to point out to someone else when they're not giving us that same courtesy.
In short, great question, no easy answer (at least from me).
Ditto to what Robin said. I have no easy answer either.
But I will say: I kinda can't stand the whole cell phone culture. Makes me crazy. I'm one of the few living Americans who doesn't own one (and my husband, too). I'm not saying they're inherently bad, but so far we're surviving without one, having given them up a few years ago, and that's fine with me.
Hmm. People like this don't care whom they offend, so almost any move on your part is likely to be met with an ugly look or a passive-agressive comment into the phone.
You could try tapping her on the shoulder and saying, "Would you mind turning off the phone?" and giving a perky smile as if you're just trying to offer some perky help.
One time I was walking across the parking lot at Trader Joe's and a woman blasted her horn at me to move out of the way. I turned and smiled and waved at her like I knew her. Which I didn't.
I like jessmonster's friendly library-based response. I think the most frequent examples of "friendly patience" that I encounter weekly are at our local busy branch. Regardless of anyone's whiny kids, dramatic foot-to-foot weight changes, or audible sighs, they always give each patron their full attention for as longs as it is required. Some of them are better at ignoring the pressure to "hurry" but all of them seems to make an effort.
I did this to a person standing in line behind me, but I think I got the point across that her conversation was so loud that I might as well be a part of it. This woman was talking to someone about whether there is such a place as New Market Mall? Where the heck is New Market Mall? So I turned around and told her, "Yes, there is a New Market Mall and to get to it you go here here here."
Later, I wondered if I had been rude...but I think the rudeness of the cellphone in line at the cashier trumps my getting involved in her conversation!
As a former cashier! Argh! I hate this!!!! I'll often be on the phone as I move up in line and then my response to whomever I'm talking to is "Ok, well, I'm checking out and I'm now one of those people I hate. Bye!"
But on how to deal with the person ahead of you... I have been known to invade personal space with my shopping cart and then talking loudly to the cashier about some people's manners...
How about "helping" her unload her basket? If she protests, you can say: but you're SO overwhelmed right now, surely I can help in SOME WAY!
Good for you, Jess. Sounds like the best approach.
Robin: That's exactly the issue. When people are generally rude, it's scary to confront them--even nicely.
Jules! No cell phone? Good for you :) I have one, I won't lie. But I never, ever answer it when I'm in line. I don't care if it rings and rings.
Susan: I try to do that too, but some days it's hard, isn't it?
Sounds like your branch is a keeper, Amy.
Mary Lee: Good for you! I hope she thanked you for your directions.
Jennie and Sara: You both have great suggestions for dealing with these people.
I'm usually the cashier. I *can't* say anything to the person. And at big stores like Target, they can't skip them just because they're on their phone. So, on behalf of cashiers whose hands are tied, yes, you are allowed to say something. The customer on the phone can't do anything to you and it's them being rude. As long as you are polite about what you say (i.e. "excuse me, could you please focus on checking out rather than your phone call so that the rest of the line can progress?" rather than "hey, you're being a rude nincompoop who should shut up and pay attention!"), you're fine. It takes twice as long to check them out and that hurts you more than them (obviously). But the cashier can't say anything because the customer might complain to a manager or something and store policy always says not to be rude to customers (where "rude" is pretty much whatever customers consider rude, even if your manager agrees they deserved it).
I'd suggest saying to the cashier, "I'm with him/her, let me deal with it," and then field the various questions about the lamp in a bag etc (you can do this benevolently or, if you're in the mood, say, "No, I would not like the lamp in a bag, put it in with the wine bottles, that'll be fine.") Etc. Watch how fast the person gets off the phone. Then you say (as Sara suggested), "I was only trying to help."
Katie: Thank you so much for your perspective. I've always noticed that cashiers get this stony look on their face like "I'd love to tell you off, but I can't" :) Maybe I WILL say something next time.
Nick: You never fail to make me laugh. Something about your suggested scenario just makes my day.
Kelly, So glad you brought up this topic! I have had CASHIERS who were on the phone! I give them the stoniest look I can muster. If that doesn't work, I act like I'm looking around for the manager.
I'm like Jules -- don't own a cell phone, never did. I think they're indispensable for emergencies and for parents needing to keep tabs on their kids, etc. But our society has taken something worthwhile and basically used it to display personal status. "See how important I am? My call matters more than all you people waiting in line. It matters more than common courtesy."
Ten years ago, I would have silently stewed and said nothing. But these days my thinking is different. I feel it is my responsibility to firmly, but politely speak up. The people behind me are always relieved and grateful. Somebody has to confront rude cell phone users, or else they'll never wake up (or hang up)!
To me, phone calls are PERSONAL.
Therefore, they should be taken in personal space. I, too, hate the cell-phone culture, the American-Idol narcissism that insists that it's my stage and my world, and I'm only letting you in on my awesomeness by blaring my conversation over your head.
I've never been held up in a line before, but I also avoid shopping until ridiculous hours or on weekdays. Barring that, I'd suggest to the checker that they check ME first, since the other person is obviously not ready.
Having said that, I know I'm a rabid introvert and that crowds of people make me itchy. Most of the time I just endure annoyances as the price of shopping on the weekend or in the middle of the day. But this has somehow never happened to me! Thanks for helping me think how I should respond when it does!
I've been in this situation from both sides (I worked in a bookstore for a while). When I was the cashier, I quite politely said, "Are you ready to be served or do you want to go ooutside and finish your call?" It earned a shocked look, but they got out of the line and let me serve those who were ready... People also get on buses whilst talking on the cell phones and that is equally rude...
If I'm in the queue being held up by someone on the phone and they're in front of me I accidentally-on-purpose bump into them with my basket and hope to distract them back to their surroundings...
From behind them in line:
"Excuse me, ma'am, but my cousin's having a baby in fifteen minutes. Could you hurry it up?"
No? Okay.
In all honesty I'd probably stand there, glare at them as evilly as possible, and make sure all of my stuff is on the counter and ready to go. Unless I was in a distinctly bad mood (and/or a hurry). Then I'd probably make a comment of some sort. "Excuse me, but we don't appreciate being held up like this" would probably be my weapon of choice. Not rude, precisely, but probably as polite as I could manage in the situation.
Great question!
Two words: Air horn.
Or would that be wrong? ;-)
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